Mind-F

I hate IF and everything that comes with it.  Even with our DOR diagnosis last month, knowing we wouldn't be able to conceive on our own, silly stupid me still had hope. Maybe we could be that miracle conception couple. So frustrating...

It went down like this.  I hadn't let myself think for one minute I could be pregnant...that is until I felt like I was going to throw up in the middle of the day on Friday. Okay...no big deal. I was hungry and needed to eat.  So...Saturday rolls around and my boobs were sore. I mean...like really sore. I never get sore boobs...but maybe it's because of my period. But they were sore ALL day. I couldn't even shower without discomfort.  So..DH decides to go watch the UFC fight with some friends while I got caught up on my DVR.

The sore boobs still wouldn't go away, so I went looking for an HPT. I found one....took it...went to get the laundry...came back...and there was a second line.  It's the first time in my life I've seen a second line.  Was my mind playing tricks on me? I have no idea. It was so faint, it couldn't be. There's no way. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I had been spotting for a few days before...sure signs of AF. 

So the next morning, I told DH what had happened.  We went to buy some digital HPT...knowing that it couldn't be...but hoping that it could. Sure enough, a BFFN. "NOT PREGNANT" starred at me.

So now...I don't know what happened.  Was it a chemical pregnancy? Was I even pregnant at all? Man...I really hate IF and the mind-F games that it plays on you.  Even when you know you are out of the game on your own, you still have some sliver of hope it could be a miracle.